The German tuning shop Brabus has once again proven that they lack brakes, a sense of proportion, or a therapist to guide them. They took the Mercedes-AMG G 63—a vehicle that already looks like a cinder block that escaped from a maximum-security prison—and decided to convert it into a convertible. Meet the 900-horsepower open-top monster for almost a million euros.

Why, you might ask? So that the wind tousles your hair while driving along the Monaco promenade? No. This car was created for one purpose: to make the person inside feel as uncomfortable as possible. The moment you sit in this cabin, finished in black leather and Alcantara with red stitching, your DNA starts vibrating to the rhythm of 90s chansons. Because the interior looks like a VIP booth at the «Metelitsa» club, circa 1995.

Engineers increased the V8 displacement to 4.5 liters, squeezing out 900 horsepower and 1250 Newton-meters of torque. 0–100 mph acceleration takes 3.7 seconds. Can you imagine this acceleration with no roof? It’s perfect ventilation for the cabin after last night’s hookah session. And the top speed of 240 km/h is only necessary to get away from the junction faster if things go south.

The rear doors received special hinges that allow them to open 90 degrees. Ninety! Why?! So that the buddies could exit the car dramatically, placing their hands on their hips, or to make it easier to shove debtors inside before a trip to the woods? The soft top folds in just 20 seconds. An inverted «77» logo is woven into the fabric—a reference to the year Brabus was founded. But let’s be honest: any traffic cop who stops this car sees not the year the custom shop was founded, but a section of the Criminal Code.

When a genuine local resident sees this square piece of gold worth the cost of three elite residential buildings, he will simply take the keys. He won’t even need to pull out a gun—the owner will hand them over willingly. After all, you cannot purchase authority alongside carbon fiber steering wheel accents. You can only buy a very expensive ticket to a ridiculous party thrown by anonymous fans of chanson.